Full circle.

So, this weekend.

I can honestly say that I have never been more physically and emotionally beat up in my life.

Thursday commenced with a test in Human Sexuality which really was one of the more mellow things that happened that day. French was fine as well, until after when we had a meeting about study abroad, following which I had a full-fledged panic attack for no real reason. I seriously thought I was going to pass out/start crying/die. Dramatic I know. But really.

Following this little episode, I made the long and hard trek (easy 20 minute drive) out to Three Peaks with this crew to go camping.

As you can see, everyone was psyched to be out in what can barely be called the wilderness. We made tin foil dinners, hot dogs, and banana boats; played cards; and watched The Walking Dead. Everything was going smoothly until about midnight when it started pouring rain and our tents flooded, resulting in everyone getting soaked right down to the bone. We endured this torturous, sleepless night until about 5:30 am when we finally gave up and made the drive home, and then proceeded to sleep basically all day Friday.

The rest of the weekend was not bad at all, but was still somehow very draining. Yesterday Tyler and I went to the National Mustang Car Show or something like that in St. George, which was cool despite the fact I know nothing about cars. I just like looking at all the custom license plates. A few highlights include "GOPNYGO", "FANCEY", and "VENOM". Of course nothing beats Tyler's (EATMDST) (or, as I like to say, "Eat most"). We got frozen yogurt for just 13 cents on the way home and continued our Walking Dead marathon with Marissa that night.

Today has been pretty uneventful so far. It was my last Sunday in my singles ward, which I honestly haven't grown that close to. Still, I found myself getting teary when the closing hymn was "God Be With You Till We Meet Again" and I realized I'm on the threshold of another one of those moments. The kind of moment when life will probably never be the same as I know it right now. The last time I had one of these moments was last summer, when I moved away from home, and it has been one of the best years of my life. I guess I didn't realize it would happen again so soon. Even though I will be coming back next year, not everyone will be. People will leave, and some of them I might never see again. This is such a hard thing for me to face. I hate goodbyes more than anything.

Kinds of adventures.

Well, a few things have happened since I last thought about the events of my life. I know you all are chomping at the bit, dying to know what I've been up to. Not really. But I'm going to tell you anyway, since I haven't said much since Colorfest.

A few weeks ago, Tyler and I decided to take advantage of the fact that all our high school friends were in St. George for spring break, so we made a trip south for a mini spring break of our own. We met up with Katey, Janessa, and Andrea for some caving/glow sticking adventures, Panda Express adventures, freezing cold swimming pool adventures, and Iceberg adventures. Basically a much needed vacation to warmer weather and old friends!

Two weekends ago, I had the pleasure of embarking on a different kind of adventure when I planted myself in the passenger seat of a minivan for ten hours and eventually arrived in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I did this off-the-wall, amazing project last semester for my geology class about natural disasters and the media, and everyone in Cedar City was so blown away that they sent me to the Western Regional Honors Conference to try to hold my own against all the real honors kids this side of the Mississippi. I learned many things during the three days I was there, which include but are not limited to:

• Harry Potter can be related to anything in life.
• Native American dancers and mariachi bands can both perform at the same dinner.
• Mexican food can be good, but not for every meal.
• Five page papers can be written on a Friday night.
• Hot tubs can be too hot.
• I definitely should not be in honors.

Not only was I completely lost during all the Harry Potter conversations (which in itself probably gets me kicked out of the club), I didn't even understand the titles of most of the posters besides mine. Although I did go to both a Star Trek presentation and a zombie presentation and they were pretty much the best things ever. So maybe that's enough to keep me hanging on in the honors crowd, until I get around to reading HP again.

Last but definitely not least, Tyler got his mission call this weekend! Scotland/Ireland, Chinese speaking! Which I still can't quite wrap my mind around... But I could not be more excited for this boy! He is going to be such an amazing missionary.

Also, I have been slacking on my picture taking and I don't have a single photo of a single one of these events. I did take this picture of the sunset today though, so you can look at it if you want.

PS. The countdown to France is at 12 days. I'm freaking out.

April.

I'm no artist, but paint is my medium.

I'm no writer, but words are my therapy.

Click here to find out more about the month of April.

Rambling.

There are too many thoughts running through my head right now to make sense of. Luckily the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack is in my headphones at the moment to put me in a good mood! Although it is kind of too bad there is no man with a beautiful voice (even if his face is messed up) here to sing me to sleep.

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking, mostly due to the fact that 90% of my friends went home for Easter while I stayed in Cedar. I spent all of Friday night painting (and watching Phantom of course... I'm obsessed lately) and thinking about what I want out of my life right now. I haven't arrived at an answer yet, though.

The problem is, between going to France in less than a month, then coming back to two summer jobs, trying to balance family and friends and the gym and my other responsibilities, and a lot of my friends still leaving on missions or coming back from them... It's just hard to see how things will fall into place, and how I will do everything I want to. Or if I will. Or should.

I am typically an all or nothing kind of person, I think. It's kind of a dangerous place to be. On one end, there's apathy and walls. But on the other, it's so much easier to get hurt. I hate the grey area in between the two though, that indecision. It's true with anything: work, school, relationships. Throwing your whole heart into something is hard and I know I'm already not a very open person, for many reasons. It takes a lot for me to trust. But I still believe in all or nothing. Hopefully all. Even though it is the hardest thing to do.

On Sunday, someone said something in church that was so interesting to me. She was talking about her life, and how she had accomplished so much. "I've raised beautiful children and I have worked hard at my job, which I love." I am amazed by this statement. I have always focused my life on accomplishing something huge and making a difference in this world. I want to get good grades, graduate, and go out into real life and have a successful career and something to show for it. What I realized though, is that maybe doing the small things is what leads to a successful life. Raising a family, having a career that maybe doesn't have to be the absolute best but one that I absolutely love and work hard at every day. I have no idea what that would be, but it really made me think. More thinking, just what I need.

Sorry about all this cryptic rambling that probably doesn't even make any sense. I just needed to write something and this is what came out. So now that I have successfully procrastinated my homework for another half hour, I'll get out of here.

But not until you watch this. First boy that sings me this song in exactly this voice, I will marry you.

I am not engaged.

I've been in relationships. I've been in those awkward, grey area things where you don't really know what your status is and no one bothers to clarify. I've had crushes, been twitter-pated, and been head-over-heels in love. The difference between me and many girls my age: none of these things have led me to marriage.

It really is amazing how many girls get engaged and married fresh out of high school. Next thing you know, they're going to be popping out kids and I'm still going to be sitting on the playground saying "Where do these things come from?" (That's a joke. I know where babies come from.) But seriously. It's astonishing to me. I swear every day there's a new engagement relationship status change on Facebook.

Not that there's anything wrong with getting married young, and especially if you know it's right and you're in love and so on and so forth. I just think, for me, it's a little rushed. I want to get out there and enjoy my time! I want to go to France, party on the weekends, and live with my best friends. I want to go out and go on trips without having to worry about how my husband is going to get through school or how I'm going to pay next month's bills. Maybe this is selfish of me... but is it? I'm definitely not against being in a relationship... In fact, I embrace it! And I want to get married someday. And I will. But that day will not be when I am 19 years old.

Anyway, I'm done with that little rant. It's the beauty of living in Utah, I guess.