Rambling.

There are too many thoughts running through my head right now to make sense of. Luckily the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack is in my headphones at the moment to put me in a good mood! Although it is kind of too bad there is no man with a beautiful voice (even if his face is messed up) here to sing me to sleep.

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking, mostly due to the fact that 90% of my friends went home for Easter while I stayed in Cedar. I spent all of Friday night painting (and watching Phantom of course... I'm obsessed lately) and thinking about what I want out of my life right now. I haven't arrived at an answer yet, though.

The problem is, between going to France in less than a month, then coming back to two summer jobs, trying to balance family and friends and the gym and my other responsibilities, and a lot of my friends still leaving on missions or coming back from them... It's just hard to see how things will fall into place, and how I will do everything I want to. Or if I will. Or should.

I am typically an all or nothing kind of person, I think. It's kind of a dangerous place to be. On one end, there's apathy and walls. But on the other, it's so much easier to get hurt. I hate the grey area in between the two though, that indecision. It's true with anything: work, school, relationships. Throwing your whole heart into something is hard and I know I'm already not a very open person, for many reasons. It takes a lot for me to trust. But I still believe in all or nothing. Hopefully all. Even though it is the hardest thing to do.

On Sunday, someone said something in church that was so interesting to me. She was talking about her life, and how she had accomplished so much. "I've raised beautiful children and I have worked hard at my job, which I love." I am amazed by this statement. I have always focused my life on accomplishing something huge and making a difference in this world. I want to get good grades, graduate, and go out into real life and have a successful career and something to show for it. What I realized though, is that maybe doing the small things is what leads to a successful life. Raising a family, having a career that maybe doesn't have to be the absolute best but one that I absolutely love and work hard at every day. I have no idea what that would be, but it really made me think. More thinking, just what I need.

Sorry about all this cryptic rambling that probably doesn't even make any sense. I just needed to write something and this is what came out. So now that I have successfully procrastinated my homework for another half hour, I'll get out of here.

But not until you watch this. First boy that sings me this song in exactly this voice, I will marry you.

I am not engaged.

I've been in relationships. I've been in those awkward, grey area things where you don't really know what your status is and no one bothers to clarify. I've had crushes, been twitter-pated, and been head-over-heels in love. The difference between me and many girls my age: none of these things have led me to marriage.

It really is amazing how many girls get engaged and married fresh out of high school. Next thing you know, they're going to be popping out kids and I'm still going to be sitting on the playground saying "Where do these things come from?" (That's a joke. I know where babies come from.) But seriously. It's astonishing to me. I swear every day there's a new engagement relationship status change on Facebook.

Not that there's anything wrong with getting married young, and especially if you know it's right and you're in love and so on and so forth. I just think, for me, it's a little rushed. I want to get out there and enjoy my time! I want to go to France, party on the weekends, and live with my best friends. I want to go out and go on trips without having to worry about how my husband is going to get through school or how I'm going to pay next month's bills. Maybe this is selfish of me... but is it? I'm definitely not against being in a relationship... In fact, I embrace it! And I want to get married someday. And I will. But that day will not be when I am 19 years old.

Anyway, I'm done with that little rant. It's the beauty of living in Utah, I guess.

Hare krishna.

Last weekend = one of the best weekends in a while.

I went home for the Festival of Colors which automatically makes it a solid weekend. Standing in the middle of hundreds of people covered in chalk and sweat, getting crushed by crowd surfers, not being able to breathe, dancing to hippie music, chanting Hare Krishna, and coughing up chalk dust for days afterward has never been more fun.

Before...

This would be the "not being able to breathe" part.

Add to that: visiting City Creek mall, eating cheesecake, practically losing my vision after getting something in my eye while driving, playing Uno, riding Trax, seeing my best friend's wedding dress, catching up, playing Draw Something, and of course watching Indiana Jones, and you have the recipe for a perfect weekend.

Also, if you're looking for an update on the prank war, here it is. This happened a few weeks ago but I forgot to mention it.

These would be all the calls I received when this ad went up on KSL:

Yep, that is my car. And this is the conversation that I had with Ogden, UT at 11:43 am.

• Me: "Hello?"
• Ogden: "What's wrong with your car?"
• Me: "Umm... nothing? I don't know?"
• Him: "Then why is it on here for $500?"
• Me: "What?"
• Him: "Is there something wrong with it? Why are you selling it for so cheap?"
• Me: "I think you have the wrong number..."
• Him: "Is your number xxx-xxxx?"
• Me: "Yes..."
• Him: "Your car is for sale on KSL."
• Me: "Oh..."
• Him: "You might want to take it off before you get any more calls."

Watch your back, Ty.

Collage.

Spring Break 2012: Las Vegas Edition was a success. Here is a collage of lists and pictures that, combined, will tell this epic tale.

People who attended:

• Marissa
• Tyler
• Jennifer
• Brayden
• Chaura
• Momma B

Restaurants we ate at:

• In N Out (x2)
• Panda Express
• Wingstop
• McDonald's

A few places we visited:

New York New York

Caesar's Palace

Hoover Dam

Fremont Street

Ways I continued to embarrass myself:

• Saying "haha" out loud in a HeyTell message
• Falling off a stool
• Tripping numerous times
• Running into a glass door

Truth or Dare:

"Suck a finger of the player 3 steps to your right."

"Dance a slow dance with the player 3 steps to your left."
Also, "Switch clothes with another player."

"Drink water upside down."

"Drink something out of the belly button of another player."

Other highlights:

• Sneaking into the pool
• Mustang rides on the strip
• Poolside barbecue

• New York New York rollercoaster
• Tyler's midnight laugh attack
• Flying water at the dam

• Welcome hour (free pink lemonade!)
• Man dancing on Fremont Street

• Queen tribute
• Treading water competition
• Fortune teller at the Native American store

All in all, it was one fantastic trip. Definitely one for the books.

Also, one last shout out to Momma B for hooking us up with a sweet hotel room and other amazing opportunities! Couldn't have done anything without you!

Self realization.

Things I have learned about myself since Spring Break started yesterday:

1. I should never wear headphones in public. I have already caught myself singing out loud while walking through the gym, and screaming at my dog that he is being an idiot while a ton of people passed by me at Draper Park. I only realized the latter after some lady tapped my shoulder to ask me for directions. Embarrassing.
2. If I was caught in the zombie apocalypse, I would die. I have this new app on my phone called "Zombies, Run!" that simulates zombies chasing you while you work out! It's very effective in getting me to exercise. But thanks to my dog being dumb when I took him running today, I got killed by the zombies. Thus the reason for yelling at him at the park.
3. I have an unhealthy addiction to both Cadbury eggs and Chinese food. That's not really new, though.
4. I can't go to Urban Outfitters and not buy things. It is a serious issue. But, on the bright side, my boring Saturday nights in the future are about to get a lot less boring now that I have a book entitled "Truth or Dare: The Party Game".
5. I am so glad to be done with high school. Seeing a million kids at PF Chang's on their way to prom definitely did not make me miss awkward dates, school lunches, drama, high school boys, or staying home on those nights when I didn't get asked to dances. Not that my prom was awkward; it was perfect. I'm just saying, I'm content that it's all in the past.

Anyway, between this blog post and my recent Facebook statuses about Star Trek and eating expired macaroni, I am making myself look super cool. Please date me.

The latest.

It's been a few days, but honestly, I don't really have much to say.

Highlights of the last couple weeks include:

• Skiing at Brian Head. The creep on the right is Tyler...

• Allred and J.Wride concerts.
• Taking lots of pictures for my photography class. Landscapes were last week's assignment, which are not my favorite, but I did end up with a couple that I liked. Portraits are up and coming.

• Playing guitar in my ward's talent show and the latest open mic night. Maybe I'll make a YouTube video or something.
• And that's pretty much it. Not the most exciting time.

In other news, I feel like my blog is just a play by play of my life and it gets boring. So I'm going to try to change that. I don't have anything cool to talk about today though, so I'm already off to a bad start.

Also, I want to publicly apologize to anyone I may have offended in the past week! I don't know if I did, I just know it wasn't the best week for me. Sometimes school, drama, rumors, stress, and lack of sleep all hit you in the face at once. I already am not one to have a lot of girl friends, or get along well with girls, for who knows what reason. It's something I am always working on. So, if I have seemed insolent, I'm sorry! Don't take it personally.

Anyway, I'll talk to you all again when I come up with something interesting. Have a good week! Only five days until Spring Break!

Three months.

Over the last few days I have been just overcome with excitement because of this fact: I am going to be in France for the entire month of May on a study abroad.

And I've recently realized that is only three months away. Ahhhh. So close, but yet so far!

Not only that, but while I'm there I am going to a play, a ballet in the same building that Phantom of the Opera happened/was inspired in, and a Coeur de Pirate concert! First of all, a French play is awesome. Second, Phantom of the Opera is up there when it comes to my favorite movies, and a French ballet has got to be way sweet. Third, Coeur de Pirate is probably my favorite ever and this is like a dream coming true. Please go listen to some of her music.

Basically, I've been spending all my time daydreaming about France and the last time I was in Paris.

I was only there for like three days, rushing around to different tourist attractions. I can't wait to go back and experience everything and take pictures and speak French and eat crepes and buy clothes and make friends. I'll be in Paris for three weeks and Nice for one week. I honestly can't even believe I'm doing it.

Other things I can't wait for:

• Spring break. Even though I have no idea what I'm going to do.
• Spring, in general.
• Festival of Colors.
• Soccer intramurals. Even though we will probably lose.
• Summer.
• Next semester and living with my best friends Marissa, Dylan, and Katey.
• Life!

I used to be a party animal and stay up until like three every night, and now it's only 12:30 and my eyes are begging for sleep. I'm trying to be a good friend though, and stay up until Tyler finds the prank I just played on him so I can help him clean it up. He did help me with the newspaper, after all. But I'm going to fall asleep soon and then he is going to be SOL! Curse him and his classless Tuesdays/Thursdays that give him an excuse to stay up late.

Oh, this is what I did:

That would be two giant boxes of Cheerios emptied between the mattress and the fitted sheet on his bed. I know the picture doesn't look like a lot, but trust me, there are mountains of healthy cereal in there. That should make for a good night's sleep tonight! And a hearty breakfast tomorrow!

Now I have to wait until tomorrow to actually publish this post since I just revealed all my secrets. So, as you're reading it, just remember I wrote it at night and it will all make sense.

Tyler still hasn't found it though, and judging from the fact that he is playing Call of Duty and not picking up on my subliminal (or actually, somewhat blatant) Facebook chat messages that he should get in bed, it's not going to happen anytime soon. So I guess he's on his own with this one, because I am hitting the hay!

Goodnight blogworld.